bleak

i feel like a stranger living in an harrowing and unfamiliar world. i feel like i don't belong here anymore.

any spark of inspiration is just that - a mere spark that sizzles and extinguishes as quickly as it ignited.

at random moments throughout the day i'll perk up at the thought of writing down my daydreams or putting the odd things that go through my mind down in a sketchbook/journal or going out and putting my canon eos 40d to good use...

seconds later the minuscule bit of motivation is gone.

embraces feel cold and empty.

i feel somewhat distanced from my closest friends.

nothing is exciting or inspiring or magical.


music doesn't take me away like it used to. it doesn't quite set the atmosphere or mood to where it could be. it doesn't affect me or my emotions anymore.



how depressing.


here's the thing: i'm not depressed.


i realize these things i just listed should bother me, but i don't really feel.....anything.

just blah. very, very blah.


hopefully this will pass. it's been about a year and a half now that i've felt this way. it hasn't gotten worse. it's just been constant.

a constant, unwavering feeling of apathy, spiritless, disenchanted nothingness.

meh.

i'll figure it out.