I don't exist.
Well....yeah, okay. I do exist.
But I'm usually off in the background. Hidden in the shadows. Blending in. Watching. Listening.
My parents certainly didn't neglect me in any way. Growing up as an only child, believe me, I was the center of their world. I wasn't shy. At all. I would walk up to strangers and just start talking to them. I charmed my parents' friends whenever they were over for dinner. I'd mingle at adult-only parties.
But as I got older I became withdrawn. I did socialize in school, and during my high school years I was on the phone...a lot. I'd go over to a friend's house to hang out every once and a while. The year after graduation I was out every single weekend. Either with the usual suspects or out meeting new people.
Then, something happened. I don't know what it was, but I became very withdrawn. Aloof. The social butterfly in me had its wings ripped off....or....something. I don't know! But whatever it is that made me drop all of my acquaintances and give my undivided attention to my closest friends has now made me let go of everyone. The fact that I've cut all contact with everyone (except for my parents, my fiance, his parents and my "brother") worries my family. I don't particularly care, but they find something wrong with this.
I can recognize the fact that, yeah, this isn't terribly normal. I'm not being irrational or anything.
I don't know. I don't know what's going on. But it doesn't bother me.
I've always been an observer.
I just watch people.
...avoid interaction.
Whether in public with strangers, or in my home with family...I usually won't engage in conversation.
Sometimes I get caught off-guard when someone asks me what time it is or what my opinion is on something.
It's silly, but I seriously feel like no one realizes I'm around. So when I'm addressed in any way I have to remind myself " People can see you!" before answering them.
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