self.

sometimes...it's wonderful.
imperfections are beautiful. awkwardness and flaws can be endearing.

sometimes, however, not so much. it's like pine sap. you can feel it on you and it's uncomfortable and you can't wash it off no matter what you do. you can't help but be hyper-aware of it, growing more and more frustrated with each passing minute, begging for whatever it is to go away despite knowing that it's permanently embedded and wired into your soul and flesh and everything in between.

it can be embraced. it can be loathed.



right now, i hate it. so very much.

a waste of time and energy? absolutely.

it's okay.

the great thing about growing up is that you get to leave behind the person you used to be.

downfall is that you're still not all that great anyway. but people don't seem to mind.






when did i realize that my childhood was over? three main things happened:
1) i found out that my parents are just human, with flaws and fears and weaknesses.
2) i realized that i would either experience the deaths of everyone i knew. unless i died first. either way, a strong sense of mortality certainly nudged me.
3) i finally understood that i am not the center of the universe, and i became significantly less selfish than i ever had been. i'm still quite selfish. just not as selfish as i once was.

entering adulthood has little to do with a number or how many experiences you've had or how mature you are. those factors are certainly taken into consideration...but alone they don't determine whether or not you're "all grown up".

mood

this song is a reflection of my mood today:




it's one of the more beautiful songs from Dragon Age: Origins.

this is very much how i'm feeling today. calm...wistful...

and, appropriately so, it's a gloomy day. i woke up to a gray veiled sky, which is always comforting. it's a nice change from being tugged and poked at by pesky sunbeams.


out of curiosity, how does this song make you feel? does it match your mood at all? is there a particular song that best represents your mood right now?

tell me. i'd like to know.

i can be evil, i guess

i had a dream that this malicious-looking man was attempting to kidnap me.

i somehow managed, in awesome Michael-Weston-from-Burn-Notice style, to turn everything around; i managed to kidnap him instead.

i then knocked him out cold and gave him a sex change.
(of course i would know how to do something like that in my dreams)

he (?she?) woke up, was absolutely horrified and most likely scarred for life. he/she ran off without any pants. i don't quite understand why. but what's the use in trying to figure these odd things out?


but yeah. gave the poor man a sex change.
how wicked of me. i love it.