pregnancy.

pregnancy does funny things to you.

i haven't cried this much over nothing since high school.

mixed feelings.

i have so much i want to accomplish, so many things i want to do, so many places i want to go.
yet...here i am. doing nothing. going nowhere.

sunshine and elation.

my inability to pay attention when it's most important is irritating me.
my inability to express exactly what's on my mind in the most effective way is also bothersome.

oh, but the sun has never felt so good on my skin! the air is sweeter, colors are brighter, edges are smoothed out a bit.

i know it's only temporary...but...i can enjoy it, right? ignoring it will make it hurt less when it's taken away, but i don't care.

today, i don't care.

stop.

i wish my mother would stop giving me reasons to be angry at her to the point where just thinking about her stirs up hideous emotions that make my chest hurt.

she's a horrible person.


what happened to my mommy?


fuck.

comma, comma

i realize that i misuse commas. unlike some other abusers of the punctuation mark, i am not in denial. i am aware of the problem. i'm working on being a better person.




don't judge me.

41 degrees

the right music is needed to harmonize with the ripples of cool air coming in through the open window.


...right now...this is perfect:

insomnia

i feel the need to mention that i slept for about three hours last night. i have no idea how i'm still conscious despite my efforts to surrender to the realm of dreams.