morning of awesomeness.

i love rainy days. when i say, "it's a beautiful day," that means it's grey, gloomy, pouring down rain. bonus if it's so foggy the visibility is 10 feet.

i woke up to an absolutely gorgeous day. no fog, but still nice and cold and rainy. no sunshine to poke at me insistently, using its super-ray power to push the right button via the optic nerve to bring me back to consciousness.

i love waking up to the sound of rain.

a few minutes later my friend called asking if i wanted to go to the Arboretum.

"it's a beautiful day!" he said.
"ohh...i know," i sighed. "but i can't today. i have last minute wedding stuff to take care of."

i'm getting married in a week.


yikes.

and about 30 minutes after i hung up the phone, the rain slowly transformed itself into little icy particles. instead of plummeting down to the earth with loud "plit plat pitter" along with a soft "shhhhhhh" in the background, everything became completely silent.

one of my favorite things in the world is absolute silence. snow is up there on the list as well...and the two are rarely ever without the other.


so i'm sitting here....quite content. the wedding stress (although i am mentioning it) is tucked away somewhere in the back of my mind.

right now...this moment...everything is wonderful.

i have my mug of earl gray tea. i have my snow. silence. a sense of peace. it's refreshing.


excuse me while i go soak it all in...

hypnopompic hallucinations

more often than not i tend to have these odd little hallucinations as i wake up, whether it be in the middle of the night or early in the morning. i see things that are there, but not the way they actually are.


did that make sense?


let me explain.


the other night i was asleepin' on the couch. my cat, Marvin, was at my feet. i woke up because he decided he needed to give himself a bath at 3 o'clock in the morning. (i'm a light sleeper). so i sat up to look at him, and an orange and white cat jumped up onto the couch with us and started rubbing up against Marvin. i watched as Marvin started licking the orange and white cat....and it took me about 10 seconds to go, "wait a minute.....where the hell did this cat come from?!?!?!"

i closed my eyes, blinked a few times, and when i looked again....there was no orange and white cat, but my fiancee's calico tabby kitten. odd. why did i see a completely different cat?



years ago i had gotten a series of love letters from a boy i knew in high school. one particular morning i woke up and practically jumped out bed in a slight fit of panic when i saw Love Letter Boy lying down next to me. slowly, his image melted...faded...leaving my boyfriend there.

this happens so often. this phenomenon is called "hypnopompic hallucinations".

interesting stuff.

has this ever happened to you?

photogenic?

some days i feel like i look better in real life than i do in photographs. and i'm ok with that....as long as no one takes any pictures of me.

other days i feel like i look better through the lens. that makes me sad.

spooderz!

when i lived with my parents i had a little spider that i let live in my closet. he kept the bug population down. kept to himself. was very clean. easily the best roommate I ever had.

uh...hi.

i seem to have transformed from a nocturnal being to a day person to crepuscular.
for the past 4 or 5 months (has it been that long!?) i have experienced what it is like to not have insomnia.

i must say, i did enjoy it quite a lot. after being a night owl my entire life, it was like this funny new and different adventure to sleep and night and to actually be active during the day. kind of like how it's this massive breakthrough for a kid to discover what 3am is like at a sleepover. the last time i ever had to be up during the day was in high school. i hated it back then, naturally. but this time the whole daytime thing was fun. interesting.

for the past week i have not been sleeping well at all. aside from the fact that by the time i finally do fall asleep at the ungodly hours of the morning, just to wake up every half hour, i find that i can no longer indulge in the wonderful act of taking naps.

there was a time when i could lie down absolutely anywhere...in a chair, on the floor, leaning against a wall, on concrete...and within minutes be out cold.

i don't know if it's something people in their mid-twenties are unable to do or if i just run myself to the point of being overtired. don't know. odd thing is that i pretty much keep quiet and mellow throughout the day as well as night, but i get these sudden bursts of energy as the sun rises, and again as it goes off to wake up Japan.



So. i'm not sure how long this will last. like i said, i really did like doing the whole 8 hours of sleep thing. even if i don't get nearly as much done as when i don't sleep. and even though i miss a lot of phone calls while i'm off dreaming of ridiculous things.

it has been a long while since i've had a wonderful dream.
not fair.


if you're feeling particularly mellow and love trent reznor's voice and love beautiful music....have a listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahBgfQeLTuU
ignore the photo clip "video". just lean back, close your eyes, and let the music paint pictures in your mind. for best results, listen with headphones. the best part comes at 2:32 so be sure to listen to the entire thing.


enjoy.

if you have any songs that paint pretty pictures in your head or that give you awesome dreams when you listen to them as you fall asleep, please share.

more to come...

'roid rage! raaa!

Between taking care of my grandfather, planning my wedding, being suddenly overcome with the urge to take part in numerous home improvement projects and dealing with my annoying parental units, I haven't had much time for a creative outlet. Whether it be in writing or a drawing or anything.

I say I'm taking care of my grandfather but it's not like he's ill or frail or anything. It's like he's on vacation. He's my guest. I'm his hostess. I take care of him in providing a bed, clean sheets, towels, and delishus meals throughout the day.
That's right. Delishus! Ooh, and free shampoo and soap.

My mother doesn't realize that I like having him here. I tell her so, but she doesn't listen. She keeps telling me that he needs to go to an old folks home and that I'll get sick and become incredibly mentally ill and that I'll develop some kind of crippling physical ailment if I continue to keep him here with me.
I understand what she means. There's only so much you can do. If things were different, yeah...I probably would have other arrangements set.

But while he's still sharp and energetic, he's mine.

She doesn't quite understand coming from a large family.

I am an only child. My father is an only child. We are all my grandfather has. And he's the only grandfather I've ever known. Why on earth would we send him off when he's in good shape?!?

Normally I'm pretty laid back but lately people have been pissing me off.
And by people I mean my mom. Occasionally my dad. People in general...but wait, that's normal.
Same goes with my mother-in-law. I don't think she understands certain things. Either that or she just doesn't think before she speaks, and on top of that doesn't listen to herself as she keeps repeating the same phrases over and over and over again.

Though it's a nice break from listening about her Boston Terrier.

She started giving me this odd, borderline manic lecture on how when it's your time to die, it's your time. Started talking about the lord and such. It really freaks me out when people talk about the lord. Talk about death and cadavers and pine boxes for all I care...but the lord?!

Scary.

I didn't know whether to laugh or to yell at her. Mama-in-law is obsessed with the fact that my mother won't dye her hair. My mom has developed an allergy to hair dye, you see. If she dyes her hair, her entire head, face and neck swells up. Her throat begins to close up. She has trouble breathing. Not a pleasant experience. Sooo, adding that paranoia on top of her already existing irrational paranoia, my mom doesn't want to dye her hair ever again. I'm right there with her. She doesn't want to risk trying any of the natural stuff out there like henna or whatever.
Well...with the wedding coming up, my uber image-conscious mother-in-law to be keeps insisting that my mom dye her hair. I keep explaining over and over again that my mom doesn't want to, and why. That's when my fiance's mom starts about how, "When it's your time to die...it's your time. Whether you're on your way to church or you're sitting on the toilet or you have an allergic reaction to hair dye. If it's your time to join the lord, then it's your time."

I froze, horrified. Major WTF moment. Let me remind you that this woman is not normally like this. Maybe she hasn't been taking her happy pills and was feeling particularly imbalanced that day. Who knows. The only thing I managed to spit out was, "Uh, have you ever heard of PREVENTATIVE ACTION?!?!??

Wheee! <-- (me slipping off the edge of the earth)

Is it mere coincidence that the time I stop updating my blogs, everyone (with 2 or 3 exceptions) I'm stalking following seems to have also vanished.

And for the record: I miss Twisted Ellen's hilarious blog. *Cries* Come baaaaaack!!!


Soooo. I am currently sipping on my free sample of Teechino's herbal coffee.
Yeeeaaaah.
You have to tell yourself "This isn't coffee. It's just a warm, brown beverage," before you brew up a cup of this stuff. Otherwise you're in for a huuuuuge disappointment. It's not bad. Well okay, it kind of is. It smells like dates and mock coffee flavoring (awful!) and tastes like water. Warm water. Warm sugar water if you add come evaporated cane juice in there.
It looks exactly like coffee if you pour it into a mug, black. It could be the perfect coffee impostor if you're ever in a situation that requires such a thing. Like in a spy mission. Or you could use it as "prop coffee" on a movie set. It could certainly serve well as an April Fool's joke.

Or if you're in that in-between state of deciding "do I want coffee or do I want tea?" then maybe this Teechino stuff will do the trick.

I'm glad this was a free sample.



In case any of you are curious, my absence was due to "Operation Kidnap Grandpa".
My parents and I have joint custody of my grandfather. He's been spending the week with me, weekends with the 'rents. We've had enough of his "living alone 300 miles away" business.



More to come later. I'm going to dump this herbal stuff down the drain and make some real coffee. From Brazil. Mmmmm....

Ta-ta.